Monthly Archives: September 2012

bent out of shape

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I’m pissy today. Bent out of shape. Resentful. Spiteful. Whatever you want to call it.

It started last night- I caught a show about these people who had taken the life of a young man. The woman recounted her story without emotion, without empathy. She finally shed a tear when she mentioned how her being incarcerated had impacted HER life and children. I was pissed. I was yelling at the tv like it was a heated football game. HER life? What about this poor man’s family? His future? F*ck you lady! Rot in jail!

Waking up today- and having it be 9/11. More evil crosses my mind. I feel like I want to wrap my family up in a warm fuzzy blanket and barricade them into our home, fully armed. What’s lurking outside our doors?

I got a call from a very rude customer today and it kicked me into a tailspin. She was so outwardly, needlessly rude, I wasn’t sure how to feel, but it really hurt my feelings and pissed me off. I was trying to turn it around but could feel a spark sizzling…

Then, I read Mary Tyler Mom’s Donna story for the day. As usual, my heart melted into my soul. My eyes burned with tears. My stomach churned in knots. She has a way of bringing a reader right into Donna’s world at that moment, letting us feel her pain- and also moments of joy. I don’t know this family personally, but I feel a love for them, especially for Donna. It’s like she’s carved herself a little spot in my heart, and she will always reside there. Mary Tyler Mom is extremely generous to share this little angel warrior with all of us. She could selfishly lock her memories away- to keep them for herself- but she chooses to share. That means so much to so many people.

Cancer- any kind of cancer- is a demon. But CHILDHOOD cancer….that is Satan himself. The statistics are mind boggling. It’s so unfair. I have more than one person on my personal friends page that have children who deal with either medical or developmental issues of some kind. Woven into the feed of first day of school pictures and summer camp graduations, there are posts about trach appointments, stoma’s closing, fighting insurance, IEP meetings, bullying and prejudices.

I try to be upbeat and optimistic- I try SO hard- but honestly some days..life really seems to suck. I’m not saying my life itself is bad- I love my life, and wouldn’t trade it. I am saying, the things that go on around us on a daily basis, the evil, the illness, the innocent children facing such huge obstacles- these things suck.

I’ve seen Logan win many small battles, but he is still fighting the war. He has had to work so hard to get to where he is, it kills me that he struggles. His spirit is amazing- just like these other kids I read about. I wish I knew why some have a childhood of trauma, hospitals, and hardships.

Some days its so hard to stay in the positive when so many families and children are fighting such intense battles. Much love to any one of you who may be struggling XOXO

September 11th

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I heard a report, but I couldn’t be sure
If true, this was more than we could endure
 
A nation sat gripped in silent fear
Waiting for news of those they held dear
 
How could this happen, could this be real?
A flood of emotions, not sure what to feel
 
Anger, disgust, sadness, despair
Lives stolen that day..it just wasn’t fair
 
A world left reeling- badly shaken
These lives weren’t lost, they were taken
 
So many families left with a void
Innocent people, lives destroyed
 
9/11 shook us to our core
Unsure of what might be in store
 
What would come next? when would they strike?
Would American soil become warlike?
 
To see those empty twin tower spots
To wrap my brain around evil plots
 
How can someone have so much hate?
How dare you decide so many’s fate
 
So many tears, so much pain
Children ask questions..so hard to explain
 
The heroes that emerged that day..
The amazing courage on display
 
We will always be scarred, we will never forget
But we refuse to continue to let it upset
 
We will live, but free of fear
Cuz’ then you’d win- that ain’t happening here
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Thank you Kevin

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I am very, very close to my daughter Abigail. We have a great relationship all around, and I couldn’t ask for a better big sister for Logan.

Abby, Kevin, Logan. Abby’s 17th birthday

I wasn’t sure any boy could live up to our expectations for her, but when Abby started dating Kevin and brought him home to meet us, I really liked him. I thought he was polite, considerate, sweet, and above all, treated her really well. They dated for the last couple years of high school, attending both junior and senior proms together, graduated together- and he enlisted in the Air Force. We all absolutely adored him, and Logan completely idolized him, dubbing him “schlipps” – a Logan combination of Sugar Lips (which came from my teasing one day).

Just being the kind of caring soul Kevin is, he embraced this nickname- even though “Schlipps” isnt exactly the coolest moniker. He even included it in his highschool yearbook as his ‘nickname’.

Junior prom
Senior prom

Graduation
When Kevin went away to basic training, Abby was lost. They’d spent every waking moment together for years, and now she didn’t have her closest friend. After the first 2 weeks of meltdowns, she started to come to grips with it, and she fell into a new routine. She furthered her education and hung out more with her best friend Annie (another awesome kid!)
Seth and Abby went out to Texas for Kevin’s BMT graduation, and she started going to visit him more and more while he was in tech school.
BMT (basic training) graduation
She made me very proud, suddenly a solo traveler, jetting off to here and there all alone. I was nervous, but so happy for her. One day- I got the news- He proposed.
She said Yes
When she got home from that trip, the wedding planning began. The military would only allow a small window of leave time, so we were on a time crunch and pulled it together extremely fast. The wedding was absolutely gorgeous..Sept 3 is their 1 yr anniversary.

Abby and her dad-letting his little girl go..

Kevin and his mom- giving her son to Abby..
He had to leave shortly after the wedding to return to school, and she stayed home with us until it was time to move to FL to be near his base.

In December 2011, Kevin came home, they packed up, she flew, and my husband Seth drove with Kevin. They moved in, and there they have been ever since. She’s been home once in the 9 months, when my mother-in-law passed away. Logan misses them both so much. I hear it many times every day “I miss her Abby. I miss him Schlipps”
I miss her dearly but I talk to her daily, and I know they are building their life. Its so much fun hearing about all the adventures and issues that come from being a newlywed-living in a strange new place.
Recently Abby called to ask if she could move back into our home, back into her old bedroom…
Of course I said…And Kevin?
Kevin isn’t coming…Kevin is deploying to Afghanistan.
So my little girl is coming home…but the man who I consider a son is going to war. This is a very odd mixture of emotions that I could surely do without. The uncertainty..the wondering..the waiting. I’m worried about him. That he’ll be okay..that this might change him.
I’m so glad she will be home with us, and that will be one less worry for everyone involved, especially him over there, he really needs to stay focused and not be worrying about her. I couldn’t stand the thought of her being 1500 miles away all alone..but we still have to face the fact that he will be 7500 miles away, in an unstable environment.

The impact that this is going to have on their lives is huge enormous. To be a newly married couple- so deeply in love- spending every day together- now suddenly so far apart. Its heart wrenching, its a big deal. I’m sad…but I am so, so proud.
Thank you Kevin. Thank you for giving your life to the military, and doing what needs to be done to keep us all safe. Thank you for being a great and loving husband to my daughter, and caring for her, and about her as much as we do. Thank you for being an unbelievable brother and idol to my son, and thank you for being such a wonderful son to us. I love you. Come home to us safe.