bent out of shape

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I’m pissy today. Bent out of shape. Resentful. Spiteful. Whatever you want to call it.

It started last night- I caught a show about these people who had taken the life of a young man. The woman recounted her story without emotion, without empathy. She finally shed a tear when she mentioned how her being incarcerated had impacted HER life and children. I was pissed. I was yelling at the tv like it was a heated football game. HER life? What about this poor man’s family? His future? F*ck you lady! Rot in jail!

Waking up today- and having it be 9/11. More evil crosses my mind. I feel like I want to wrap my family up in a warm fuzzy blanket and barricade them into our home, fully armed. What’s lurking outside our doors?

I got a call from a very rude customer today and it kicked me into a tailspin. She was so outwardly, needlessly rude, I wasn’t sure how to feel, but it really hurt my feelings and pissed me off. I was trying to turn it around but could feel a spark sizzling…

Then, I read Mary Tyler Mom’s Donna story for the day. As usual, my heart melted into my soul. My eyes burned with tears. My stomach churned in knots. She has a way of bringing a reader right into Donna’s world at that moment, letting us feel her pain- and also moments of joy. I don’t know this family personally, but I feel a love for them, especially for Donna. It’s like she’s carved herself a little spot in my heart, and she will always reside there. Mary Tyler Mom is extremely generous to share this little angel warrior with all of us. She could selfishly lock her memories away- to keep them for herself- but she chooses to share. That means so much to so many people.

Cancer- any kind of cancer- is a demon. But CHILDHOOD cancer….that is Satan himself. The statistics are mind boggling. It’s so unfair. I have more than one person on my personal friends page that have children who deal with either medical or developmental issues of some kind. Woven into the feed of first day of school pictures and summer camp graduations, there are posts about trach appointments, stoma’s closing, fighting insurance, IEP meetings, bullying and prejudices.

I try to be upbeat and optimistic- I try SO hard- but honestly some days..life really seems to suck. I’m not saying my life itself is bad- I love my life, and wouldn’t trade it. I am saying, the things that go on around us on a daily basis, the evil, the illness, the innocent children facing such huge obstacles- these things suck.

I’ve seen Logan win many small battles, but he is still fighting the war. He has had to work so hard to get to where he is, it kills me that he struggles. His spirit is amazing- just like these other kids I read about. I wish I knew why some have a childhood of trauma, hospitals, and hardships.

Some days its so hard to stay in the positive when so many families and children are fighting such intense battles. Much love to any one of you who may be struggling XOXO

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