I was a teen mom. But not like the ones you see on TV. There were no manicures, fully furnished apartments or fancy zippy pimped out rides. We had a drafty back bedroom in an old farmhouse badly in need of renovations. We shared an 85 Dodge Charger. We spent $50 a week on groceries, including diapers and formula. We never had a dime of help or assistance.

I moved out of my parents house and in with Seth when I was 17, got pregnant on my 18th birthday, but never went to a doctor until I was 16 weeks. Terrifying wouldn’t be a big enough word. After 12 hrs of labor, Abby was born, 10 days late, at over 9 lbs. She was a happy, chubby, healthy, beautiful baby, and we were thrilled. I had gained more weight (about 50 lbs) than I anticipated, but lost it all by the time she was 4 months old, when we married.

Life was hard, but life was good. We had nothing, and every penny went to caring for her. I would cut coupons so I would have enough extra cash to buy her cute clothes- and she always looked great, even though I had 2 pairs of pants to my name. I didn’t care, it was all for her, and after a while we were ready to expand our family.

It took 18 months of trying to get pregnant the second time. I did everything by the book. Found out immediately, went to the doctor, got the vitamins, iron, all that fun stuff. I looked forward to every appointment, eager to see the ultrasound or hear the heartbeat. It was around month 6, after I had lost 9 lbs, the doctors questioned my eating. I was eating plenty but I wasn’t gaining enough and had to be put on an extra calorie diet, to include a peanut butter sandwich and milkshake in addition to each meal. The weight gain was painfully slow, and ultimately I gained under 15 lbs.

This baby was late too, and I had to be induced. They told me the cord was around his neck, but it should be fine, so I wasn’t worried. I showed up, they hooked up the IV. Seth was pacing, ready to meet his son, and we weren’t making much progress so I asked him to run to the store and buy the new car seats I had wanted. The store was a 15 minute trip, I figured no big deal, right? Those car seats made him miss the whole thing. He ran to the store, bought the seats, dropped them at our house, called me to check in and I told him I was 5 cm, and to come now.. I went from 5 to 10 during that phone call, and the baby was born.

When he came out he had the cord wrapped around his neck very tightly- twice. There was a knot in the cord. They had to cut the cord off of his neck with only his head born. Shoulders in the birth canal are excruciatingly painful and it felt endless, but all I could think about was my baby isn’t crying. My baby isn’t making ANY sound.  His hands and feet were dark blue. His apgar scores were decent, and they didn’t seem overly concerned. At exactly 1 minute after birth he took his first breath.

We were discharged with a healthy baby boy that Abby (3 yrs old) chose to name Logan.

When Logan was about 10 days old he started to cough, and he was not just a spitter, he was a full fledged puker. Between coughing and throwing up, he rarely slept. I was a walking zombie caught in a cycle of crying, feeding, vomiting, and more crying. He would cry because he was hungry, then he would cry because he was going to throw up, then he would cry because he had just thrown up, then he would cry because he was hungry again. The doctors kept insisting it was acid reflux and he would outgrow it. They gave him medicine and suggested thickening his formula.

At 8 weeks I went over the pediatricians head and took him the Childrens Hospital where they discovered he had Pyloric Stenosis and needed surgery. That hospital stay started the long journey we have been on ever since.

Nobody can tell me if Logan’s issues are brain damage related. Nobody can tell me if Logan’s issues are genetics related. He has had scans that show no damage, so some say no. others say possibly. My other blog entry lists all of the testing he has had done- and its extensive. Some day we may have answers. I really don’t know.


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